Hats Routine with Tommy Cooper

Tommy - 'I would like to recite for you now a little poem.'

Tommy stands behind a table that has a box of hats on it

Twas New Years Eve in Joe's bar a happy mob was there. The bar was crowded lots of noise filled the air.

In the middle of all this gaiety the door banged open wide.

A torn and tattered tramp walked in. 'Happy New Year folks' he cried.

The crowd just looked at him and laughed some began to jeer.

When a sailor stood at the bar and said - 'Ship Ahoy mate and have a beer.'

'I thank you son,.' the tramp replied. 'But beer and me are through. I'll never touchadrop again but I'll split a bottle of rum with you.'

'Then up jumped a banker who happened to be there. 'Throw that tramp out,' he cried

'He contaminates the air.'

'Thems' harsh words,' the sailorsaid.

The banker says, 'So what!'

'Thems' shooting words,' a cowboy said. 'Are you aiming to be shot?'

Then up jumped a soldier who said, 'This ain't no time to fight.'

'You're right,' said the sailor

And the banker said 'Well alright.'

Then up jumped a woman and stared at the tramp. 'My goodness it's Sam,' she

cried with fright and her face went white.

'Who's Sam?' A fireman said.

The tramp then pulled out a knife and said, 'I'm Sam and that painted woman is my

promised bride. Nuts don't make me laugh, the tramp replied. you cannot wed on

'Why not?' said the fireman.

The tramp replied, 'we never were divorced.'

'IT'S A LIE!!' the woman shouted

'IT'S THE TRUTH!!' the tramp yelled out.

Click here to continue the poem

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